As I looked out my front window this morning I could see that my irises were getting closer to blooming. I couldn’t wait. My thought was a day or so more and I’d have them beautifully gracing my front flower bed. Anticipation started to build.
This week has been slightly frustrating. My thoughts have been all over the place. Almost uncontrollably so. Seriously. I’m amazed that anything was accomplished this week! At least I think I accomplished some things…focus, focus, focus. Ever have days/weeks/months like this? Where your thoughts are all over the place? Things seem out of control? No matter what you do it isn’t working out the way you hoped/planned? Welcome to my world as of late.
I shouldn’t be surprised in all reality. Let’s take a quick overview of what’s going on in my journey. 1. We bought a foreclosure last year. Enough said! It’s one Fixer Upper project after another. Side note – I love that show! But oh how it has messed me up! Now I’m talking Shiplap, farmhouse style, let’s just move to Waco, TX! There are worse things, lol. 2. Yard work. Ugh! It never ends! Why did we want a large yard? Shouldn’t we buy a goat so we don’t have to mow? The Gaines’ have goats… 3. We want kids. It’s been a struggle, so now we’re starting the process of adopting from foster care. Are we insane? Can we afford this? We only have subflorring at the moment…is our house even liveable for kids??? 4. Kids. Kids. Oh no! Can we afford this? Do I need to work on advancing my career yesterday? 5. Husband. He’s been sick for the last several days. He’s napping as I write this. We just can’t get ahead of this cold! Monday he hops on a plane to fly cross-country for a one day conference for work. All he can say is, “I’m gonna be that guy. The guy in the plane that gets everyone around him sick. The one that people see and literally think to themselves: “Seriously? You just had to fly on this flight? Next to me/behind me/near me?”” Sorry babe! (Don’t worry, we’re doing everything we can to get him better. And I’ll be sending him with essential oils to help. Plus emergence-C to give to those around him. It’s the least we can do!) 6…I can’t even remember, but I know there’s more!
As all of this goes through my mind I start to feel overwhelmed. How on earth am I going to get through all of this and have it work out right? I can’t and I won’t. Well, at least not alone. “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.” Matt. 11:28 I’m going to just give it over to God, let him handle the details and rest. He’ll guide me where I need to go. He’ll work out what needs to happen and fill me in as needed. I just need to trust. Well, and keep giving it back to him. I have a nasty habit of taking it back when I think I can handle it again. That never turns out well!
So deep breath in, prayer going out, clinging to the hope I know is there cause isall good! “And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28
Back to the moment. I returned home from taking a loved one bargain hunting for materials to repair their home. During our car ride she laughed. My throat constricted. I knew that laugh! That was the sound of my mother-in-law, (from here on out referenced as mom. She never felt like an in law to me) Pam! She is in heaven, but her beautiful daughter has her laugh! How had I never noticed before??? Well, sometimes we don’t notice those things until they’re gone. One day I’ll see my mom again, and every time I hear my sister laugh my heart will smile with knowing there are aspects of her all around us when we pay attention.
After we arrived back home something caught my eye…purple. Sharp breath in as I saw the beauty of the iris in bloom! Hope filled me. Hope of seeing my mom again. Hope for the plans God has in store for my husband and myself. Hope of the beauty of flowers as they bring refreshment to my soul. Hope. So much to be found…are we paying attention? Are we looking where we should be? Don’t loose sight of where our true hope is found!